Valleys and Troughs

Brando

You don't understand I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum. Which is what I am, let's face it.

TROUGH.

Does east coast snow dispel Al Gore's "hysterical global warming theories" once and for all?

Global warming, like so many hot-button issues, just can't be simple. On the one hand we've just witnessed the close of the hottest decade ever recorded by man, while on the other it's winter and thus marginally cold outside, leading many to justly question the validity of all the climate change talk that folks just can't seem to ignore in peace. Incidentally in the past year North America was the only continent to actually experience cooler temperatures - which fact alarmists will try to manipulate to explain why so many Americans aren't willing to swallow the pill:

That is no doubt one reason why Americans — or at least conservative Americans — have grown in skepticism this year: They have been bombarded with anti-scientific disinformation on “global cooling,” while at the same time failing to personally experience a very warm year.

But is it really so wrong to be a skeptic? A decent-sized portion of the east coast of the United States has just been shaken to its core by record-setting snowfall. Surely you've heard of the snowpocalypse? Or maybe snowmageddon? True to form our elected officials are wasting no time in embracing the opportunity to take some long overdue pot-shots at - who else? - Al Gore. From CBSNews:

Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.), the top Republican on the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, also got in on the fun. He and his family built an igloo in Washington and adorned it with cardboard signs reading "Al Gore's new home" and "Honk if you [heart] global warming."

Riveting stuff. We certainly understand the inclination to [heart] global warming, and don't feel as though one should be persecuted for one's beliefs. Climate change apologists will wring their hands and cite "facts" and "research" to impress upon us the idea that this event is essentially, utterly, indisputably meaningless, but certain among us remain unconvinced. Like Sean Hannity, the Voice of the People:

Yes. Al Gore and, moreover, the Kennedy's and their flying saucers, have for too long dominated American discourse on climate change with their hysterics and their theories. We can't speak for anyone other than ourselves, but we're thankful that this discussion is still ongoing. After all, it's not as if we're running out of time.

TROUGH

Wolverines not long for this earth, if you believe in all that global warming malarkey.

We're all familiar with Marvel's rendition of Wolverine. That's a given. Superhuman healing factor, retractable claws, adamantium-infused skeleton and a once-promising but since-tarnished film portrayal by Hugh Jackman. A solid argument could be made that he's Marvel's most fearsome and tenacious hero. Unfortunately his namesake hasn't enjoyed as much success of late. Scientists (who seem only to bombard us with news that makes us feel bad, always) have announced findings that indicate wolverine populations are dwindling due to the decrease in snowfall brought on by warmer temperatures.

Research shows wolverine numbers are falling across North America. Their decline has been linked to less snow settling as a result of climate change.

The study is the first to show a decline in the abundance of any land species due to vanishing snowpack.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Not for one of nature's most feared and respected predators. Not that any creature deserves to suffer the effects of human-induced climate change (yes, despite the sentiments of the average American, we are still acting on the presumption that climate change is actually happening), but the wolverine? The inspiration for maybe the most badass fictional character of all time? It takes a particularly disconnected and almost willfully ignorant populace for news like this to skitter by as a BBC News sidetab. We like to think we shrink from proselytizing, but the endangerment of a species that not only represents everything that is wild about the wilderness but has also engendered Weapon fucking X is almost too much to swallow. We're surprised Sarah Palin isn't shooting them from a helicopter as we speak. If only there existed a band of costumed mutant do-gooders whose sole raison d'etre revolved around setting to rights wrongs such as these. Unfortunately we can look only to ourselves on this one. For shame.

TROUGH

via BBC

Dolphins second only to humans in intelligence, for all the good it does them.

One place we've never felt remotely comfortable is the ocean - we've spoken about this several times - but one thing that's always assuaged our fears of the deep blue sea is the implicit alliance that has always existed between man and dolphin. And according to new research, our faith in our hairless marine counterparts may be well-justified:

New MRI scans show that dolphin brains are four to five times larger for their body size when compared to another animal of similar size, according to Lori Marino, a senior lecturer in neuroscience and behavioral biology at Emory University, and one of the world's leading dolphin experts. Humans also possess an impressive brain-to-body ratio.

Marino admits that "size isn't everything," naturally, but points to the complexity of the dolphin neocortex and the exhibition of human-like ability to learn as indications of substantial brainpower. And just to ruin everyone's good times, she points out that "scientific evidence on dolphin sensitivities reveals that they are vulnerable to trauma and suffering when forced to live in the confined context of marine parks." So once again science has taken away something we love and replaced it with guilt and shame. And we wonder why people would rather watch Jersey Shore than read Science Magazine. They both make us feel bad about ourselves, but at least one of them is entertaining.

TROUGH

via Discovery News

Of forgiveness.

Negligence:

Main Entry: neg·li·gence
Pronunciation: \ˈne-gli-jən(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 a : the quality or state of being negligent b : failure to exercise the care that a reasonably prudent person would exercise in like circumstances
2 : an act or instance of being negligent

Not much to say in our defense other than the following: we have been away for some time, physically as well as otherwise, and in this time have wrestled with creative ideas and impulses and other such insufferably boring notions nobody ever wants to hear about. It is enough to say that going forward there will once more be posts, though perhaps not as many as before. Unless of course people like you start sending us money, or food, or allow us to sleep in your homes. Still we offer this apology: we are sorry, we hope this never happens again, and we love you all.

VALLEY, once again.

UPDATE: Norwegian mystery light show still unexplained.

Not all that long ago we posted about the mystery light spiral that has captured (some) global attention since it appeared inexplicably in the night sky.

A blue light first appeared from behind a mountain, and created a giant spiral in the sky within seconds. Perhaps even more baffling, a green-blue beam of light appeared to shoot from the center. The entire display remained in the sky for a good ten to twelve minutes--enough time for photographers across Norway to shoot hundreds of images and capture video.

At the time it was explained away by some news agencies as a failed Russian missile test, but the Russians, who we're sure are perfectly trustworthy in situations such as these, have denied conducting any such tests. And while that's still the most likely scenario according to most opinions held by the sorts of people who sit around trying to figure these things out, other possibilities include a falling meteor or perhaps the first sign of the apocalypse. Either way, we'll continue to monitor the situation with as much attention as we can spare. Which, believe it or not, is not as much as you might think. Check out the incredibly poor-quality yet still marginally-disturbing video below for an idea of what the beginning of the end of the world will look like, when filmed with a handheld digital camera.

via popsci

TROUGH

World needs to start worrying about Octopuses now, too.

We always keep a wary eye on the animal kingdom, especially that enormous portion of it that dwells in the murky depths of the sea. If there is a place on earth from which our doom will come, we feel pretty confident that it'll be the bottom of the ocean. Especially when Octopuses begin to use tools:

Humans living on the Indonesian coast frequently discard halved coconut shells in the ocean, and it turns out that their eight-legged neighbors have been making use of them. Researchers have filmed veined octopi, Amphioctopus marginatus, moving the shell halves by placing their bodies inside the hollowed-out portion, draping their legs over the edges, and bringing the shells along for the ride. When the coconut-carrying octopus feels threatened, it will pull the half shell over its body (or sometimes pulls two halves of a whole coconut over itself), and wait inside their armored home until the threat passes.

This is the first time that researchers have observed tool-use in an invertebrate species, or so the internets tell us, and we're inclined to believe them. This may seem like a trivial development, but bear in mind that it wasn't so long ago on the evolutionary timeline that we ourselves were hitting each other over the heads with rocks and probably using coconut-halves for body armor. Coupled with dolphins evolving opposable thumbs, we feel safe in saying that it is never too early to panic.

TROUGH

via io9

Morning Marginalia: Stormtrooper demotivations.

If any lifestyle lends itself naturally to the understanding of valleys and troughs, it is that of the Imperial Stormtrooper. Total anonymity, thankless sacrifice, and they're always dropping the ball when everything is on the line, usually in embarrassing fashion (think Ewoks). This guy definitely gets it.

TROUGH.

via Geekologie

A century of broken promises: everything we've never had.

Those of you who have followed us for a while will recognize that we one of our greatest passions is maintaining awareness of the fact that we are still living without so many of the wonders promised us in our youth - summed up perfectly in the idea of the flying car. We almost admire the poor bastards alive in the fifties who looked forward to a glorious future of cities on the moon, food capsules for dinner, you get the idea. All lies. Well, turns out we're not alone. Our kindred spirits at Gizmodo outline author Paul Milo's book Your Flying Car Awaits, which catalogues the shattered dreams of a generation. On flying cars:

For futurists, this one's an oldie but a goodie. By 1909, forecasters believed that soon, someone would combine, like peanut butter and jelly, the newfangled airplane to the equally cutting-edge automobile. For a century the flying car has been one of those perennially just-around-the-corner innovations, and while work continues on a viable prototype, don't expect to see your Honda become airborne anytime soon. Although NASA has done some work on creating a "sky highway," an electronic corridor in the sky to be used by pilots of small craft, the effort is still at a very preliminary stage.

Yeah. If there's anyone we can look toward to fulfill our visions of the future, it's the people who are shutting down our entire space shuttle fleet. That's the kind of forward-thinking that's going to bring us places. Like to Russia, to ask them if we can have a ride to the space station, you know, whenever they get a chance. Christ. Now if you'll excuse us, we have a book to buy from Amazon.

TROUGH.

Our Centennial.

It may not seem like much, and in the grand scheme of things it probably isn't, but we just passed the century-mark for posts. It wasn't so long ago that this whole thing was just a crazy dream, and now here we are sharing Valleys and Troughs with what we sincerely hope are like-minded individuals. So not only will we congratulate ourselves for reaching this milestone, but congratulate you too, reader, for carrying us to it. There is nothing that we do alone.

VALLEY x 100.