Valleys and Troughs

Does east coast snow dispel Al Gore's "hysterical global warming theories" once and for all?

Global warming, like so many hot-button issues, just can't be simple. On the one hand we've just witnessed the close of the hottest decade ever recorded by man, while on the other it's winter and thus marginally cold outside, leading many to justly question the validity of all the climate change talk that folks just can't seem to ignore in peace. Incidentally in the past year North America was the only continent to actually experience cooler temperatures - which fact alarmists will try to manipulate to explain why so many Americans aren't willing to swallow the pill:

That is no doubt one reason why Americans — or at least conservative Americans — have grown in skepticism this year: They have been bombarded with anti-scientific disinformation on “global cooling,” while at the same time failing to personally experience a very warm year.

But is it really so wrong to be a skeptic? A decent-sized portion of the east coast of the United States has just been shaken to its core by record-setting snowfall. Surely you've heard of the snowpocalypse? Or maybe snowmageddon? True to form our elected officials are wasting no time in embracing the opportunity to take some long overdue pot-shots at - who else? - Al Gore. From CBSNews:

Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.), the top Republican on the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, also got in on the fun. He and his family built an igloo in Washington and adorned it with cardboard signs reading "Al Gore's new home" and "Honk if you [heart] global warming."

Riveting stuff. We certainly understand the inclination to [heart] global warming, and don't feel as though one should be persecuted for one's beliefs. Climate change apologists will wring their hands and cite "facts" and "research" to impress upon us the idea that this event is essentially, utterly, indisputably meaningless, but certain among us remain unconvinced. Like Sean Hannity, the Voice of the People:

Yes. Al Gore and, moreover, the Kennedy's and their flying saucers, have for too long dominated American discourse on climate change with their hysterics and their theories. We can't speak for anyone other than ourselves, but we're thankful that this discussion is still ongoing. After all, it's not as if we're running out of time.

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Horrible things lurking at the bottom of the ocean filmed, for whatever reason.

That's an oarfish, and lucky for the clowns in the picture, it's a dead one. Up until now this is the only way these things have been seen, either washed up on shore or floating belly-up in the waves. But scientists working in the Gulf of Mexico have captured what is believed to be the first footage of the oarfish, which can reach lengths of 17 meters - that's 55 feet to us non-metric users; go ahead, do the math - alive and in its natural habitat. Namely, the bottom of the ocean. The footage was recorded by a remotely operated vehicle, or ROV, under the direction of Mark Benfield of Louisiana State University working in conjunction with, of all people, a group of oil companies "such as BP, Shell, Chevron and Petrobras working in the Gulf of Mexico." Filming in the vicinity of an offshore oil platform, Benfield caught footage of the oarfish purely by chance:

"We saw this bright vertical shiny thing, I said 'are they lowering more riser?' as it looked like they were lowering a huge pipe."
"We zoomed in a little bit and we said 'that's not a riser that's a fish!'"
"As we approached it retreated downwards swimming tail first in a vertical orientation as the ROV followed," Professor Benfield explained.

The BBC has the story as well as the video, which might as well be the inside of somebody's fish tank, as clear as it is. Still, we can't help but be moved, and not in a pleasant way, by a development such as this. We've always been wary of what lies hidden in the murky depths of " target="_blank">the ocean, and the knowledge that fifty-foot fish that "provided the basis for the sea serpent myths told by early ocean travellers" are swimming around down there doesn't exactly set our minds at ease. For more along these lines, see this chart, also by BBC, illustrating the various monstrosities populating the seafloor or "beyond the abyss," as they choose to call it. Keep an eye out for favorites like the hairy angler, below:

Yeah. Pretty much the stuff of nightmares. As always, we will think long and hard before we step foot into that ocean again.

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Dolphins second only to humans in intelligence, for all the good it does them.

One place we've never felt remotely comfortable is the ocean - we've spoken about this several times - but one thing that's always assuaged our fears of the deep blue sea is the implicit alliance that has always existed between man and dolphin. And according to new research, our faith in our hairless marine counterparts may be well-justified:

New MRI scans show that dolphin brains are four to five times larger for their body size when compared to another animal of similar size, according to Lori Marino, a senior lecturer in neuroscience and behavioral biology at Emory University, and one of the world's leading dolphin experts. Humans also possess an impressive brain-to-body ratio.

Marino admits that "size isn't everything," naturally, but points to the complexity of the dolphin neocortex and the exhibition of human-like ability to learn as indications of substantial brainpower. And just to ruin everyone's good times, she points out that "scientific evidence on dolphin sensitivities reveals that they are vulnerable to trauma and suffering when forced to live in the confined context of marine parks." So once again science has taken away something we love and replaced it with guilt and shame. And we wonder why people would rather watch Jersey Shore than read Science Magazine. They both make us feel bad about ourselves, but at least one of them is entertaining.

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via Discovery News

UPDATE: Norwegian mystery light show still unexplained.

Not all that long ago we posted about the mystery light spiral that has captured (some) global attention since it appeared inexplicably in the night sky.

A blue light first appeared from behind a mountain, and created a giant spiral in the sky within seconds. Perhaps even more baffling, a green-blue beam of light appeared to shoot from the center. The entire display remained in the sky for a good ten to twelve minutes--enough time for photographers across Norway to shoot hundreds of images and capture video.

At the time it was explained away by some news agencies as a failed Russian missile test, but the Russians, who we're sure are perfectly trustworthy in situations such as these, have denied conducting any such tests. And while that's still the most likely scenario according to most opinions held by the sorts of people who sit around trying to figure these things out, other possibilities include a falling meteor or perhaps the first sign of the apocalypse. Either way, we'll continue to monitor the situation with as much attention as we can spare. Which, believe it or not, is not as much as you might think. Check out the incredibly poor-quality yet still marginally-disturbing video below for an idea of what the beginning of the end of the world will look like, when filmed with a handheld digital camera.

via popsci

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World needs to start worrying about Octopuses now, too.

We always keep a wary eye on the animal kingdom, especially that enormous portion of it that dwells in the murky depths of the sea. If there is a place on earth from which our doom will come, we feel pretty confident that it'll be the bottom of the ocean. Especially when Octopuses begin to use tools:

Humans living on the Indonesian coast frequently discard halved coconut shells in the ocean, and it turns out that their eight-legged neighbors have been making use of them. Researchers have filmed veined octopi, Amphioctopus marginatus, moving the shell halves by placing their bodies inside the hollowed-out portion, draping their legs over the edges, and bringing the shells along for the ride. When the coconut-carrying octopus feels threatened, it will pull the half shell over its body (or sometimes pulls two halves of a whole coconut over itself), and wait inside their armored home until the threat passes.

This is the first time that researchers have observed tool-use in an invertebrate species, or so the internets tell us, and we're inclined to believe them. This may seem like a trivial development, but bear in mind that it wasn't so long ago on the evolutionary timeline that we ourselves were hitting each other over the heads with rocks and probably using coconut-halves for body armor. Coupled with dolphins evolving opposable thumbs, we feel safe in saying that it is never too early to panic.

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via io9

Morning Marginalia: Stormtrooper demotivations.

If any lifestyle lends itself naturally to the understanding of valleys and troughs, it is that of the Imperial Stormtrooper. Total anonymity, thankless sacrifice, and they're always dropping the ball when everything is on the line, usually in embarrassing fashion (think Ewoks). This guy definitely gets it.

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via Geekologie

A century of broken promises: everything we've never had.

Those of you who have followed us for a while will recognize that we one of our greatest passions is maintaining awareness of the fact that we are still living without so many of the wonders promised us in our youth - summed up perfectly in the idea of the flying car. We almost admire the poor bastards alive in the fifties who looked forward to a glorious future of cities on the moon, food capsules for dinner, you get the idea. All lies. Well, turns out we're not alone. Our kindred spirits at Gizmodo outline author Paul Milo's book Your Flying Car Awaits, which catalogues the shattered dreams of a generation. On flying cars:

For futurists, this one's an oldie but a goodie. By 1909, forecasters believed that soon, someone would combine, like peanut butter and jelly, the newfangled airplane to the equally cutting-edge automobile. For a century the flying car has been one of those perennially just-around-the-corner innovations, and while work continues on a viable prototype, don't expect to see your Honda become airborne anytime soon. Although NASA has done some work on creating a "sky highway," an electronic corridor in the sky to be used by pilots of small craft, the effort is still at a very preliminary stage.

Yeah. If there's anyone we can look toward to fulfill our visions of the future, it's the people who are shutting down our entire space shuttle fleet. That's the kind of forward-thinking that's going to bring us places. Like to Russia, to ask them if we can have a ride to the space station, you know, whenever they get a chance. Christ. Now if you'll excuse us, we have a book to buy from Amazon.

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And just to make you feel bad about yourself: bottled water will destroy the earth.

From the folks who brought the internet infographic:

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via onlineeducation

Morning Marginalia: Sarah Palin enters rarified breast-signing air.

That's Sarah Palin's signature on the chest of the unfortunate little creature above, which signing occurred at a Costco in Utah, which certainly make sense. We imagine it was part of Palin's publicity/book tour, but can't be bothered to confirm this. Normally we'd applaud this sort of thing on general principle, but nothing about Sarah Palin and her status as some kind of celebrity amuses us. Some things are just too depressing.

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via gawker

Elf takes matters into his own hands. Santa wins.

Nothing brings out the holiday spirit quite like the old fake-dynamite-in-the-Christmas-village routine, we're sure you'll agree. The exceedingly-stable looking fellow above is 45-year-old William C. Caldwell III (which is a great name, the kind of name you'd think one could parlay into some measure of success or at the very least mediocrity in life), who has been arrested at a mall in suburban Atlanta for allegedly dressing as an elf and threatening to blow Santa right out of the holiday equation.

Police say Caldwell got in line Wednesday evening to have his picture taken with Santa Claus. Police say when Caldwell reached the front of the line, he told Santa he had dynamite in his bag. Santa called mall security and Caldwell was arrested.

Sadly the hollow-eyed lunacy evident in the picture above would have allowed this guy to blend in pretty well with the sorts of people one would be likely to find hanging around a mall Christmas village. What really impresses us about this story though is that Santa is the one who called the police, after being threatened with a bagful of dynamite. Is there anything the old man doesn't do? Just another day at the office, really.

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via YahooNews