Valleys and Troughs

15 things everyone should know about breasts. Really.

Pretty self-explanatory:

VALLEY.

via onlineschools

Bear Gryllls raw animal medley, including the infamous goat testicle.

One of our favorite aspects of Man vs. Wild, and the reason we'd pick Bear Grylls above Survivorman Les Stroud any day of the week has always been the stiff-upper-lip British pluck with which he will eat literally anything he finds, be it living, dead or of indeterminate status. Stroud's greatest claim to glory is that unlike Bear, he allegedly does all his own camerawork. Which does impress. But would he give himself a fetid-water enema if trapped on a raft in the ocean? We can't say for sure. But Bear Grylls would. The best part of the above video is the glimpse of the crew's perspective - "definitely needs... more garlic." If we ever find ourselves trapped in a remote wilderness, we will only momentarily hesitate before chomping down on some goat balls. Oh, and the fetid-water enema, just in case:

VALLEY?

Does east coast snow dispel Al Gore's "hysterical global warming theories" once and for all?

Global warming, like so many hot-button issues, just can't be simple. On the one hand we've just witnessed the close of the hottest decade ever recorded by man, while on the other it's winter and thus marginally cold outside, leading many to justly question the validity of all the climate change talk that folks just can't seem to ignore in peace. Incidentally in the past year North America was the only continent to actually experience cooler temperatures - which fact alarmists will try to manipulate to explain why so many Americans aren't willing to swallow the pill:

That is no doubt one reason why Americans — or at least conservative Americans — have grown in skepticism this year: They have been bombarded with anti-scientific disinformation on “global cooling,” while at the same time failing to personally experience a very warm year.

But is it really so wrong to be a skeptic? A decent-sized portion of the east coast of the United States has just been shaken to its core by record-setting snowfall. Surely you've heard of the snowpocalypse? Or maybe snowmageddon? True to form our elected officials are wasting no time in embracing the opportunity to take some long overdue pot-shots at - who else? - Al Gore. From CBSNews:

Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.), the top Republican on the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, also got in on the fun. He and his family built an igloo in Washington and adorned it with cardboard signs reading "Al Gore's new home" and "Honk if you [heart] global warming."

Riveting stuff. We certainly understand the inclination to [heart] global warming, and don't feel as though one should be persecuted for one's beliefs. Climate change apologists will wring their hands and cite "facts" and "research" to impress upon us the idea that this event is essentially, utterly, indisputably meaningless, but certain among us remain unconvinced. Like Sean Hannity, the Voice of the People:

Yes. Al Gore and, moreover, the Kennedy's and their flying saucers, have for too long dominated American discourse on climate change with their hysterics and their theories. We can't speak for anyone other than ourselves, but we're thankful that this discussion is still ongoing. After all, it's not as if we're running out of time.

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This is how the World Ends.

From ctrl+alt+del comes artist Tim Buckley's vision of the apocalypse: a pirate robot fighting a ninja zombie riding a t-rex. Yep. That pretty much covers everything.

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Lindsey Vonn, others to compete in 2010 Olympics.

With the Winter Games set to start in just three days in Vancouver, despite logistical difficulties regarding not having enough snow, it's never too soon to start brushing up on who's going to be competing. Take Lindsey Vonn, for instance, America's celebrated alpine skier and gold-medal favorite. In addition to winning back-to-back World Cup titles in '08 and '09, she is featured in the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, out now.

The rest is pretty self-explanatory. We have to commend her more than anything for standing around in the snow in a bikini. Clearly she has what it takes to be a champion. Anyhow it'll be exciting to see the Games in Vancouver of all places, especially since we have one more glorious reason to pull for America.

VALLEY, big-time.

via SI.com

Horrible things lurking at the bottom of the ocean filmed, for whatever reason.

That's an oarfish, and lucky for the clowns in the picture, it's a dead one. Up until now this is the only way these things have been seen, either washed up on shore or floating belly-up in the waves. But scientists working in the Gulf of Mexico have captured what is believed to be the first footage of the oarfish, which can reach lengths of 17 meters - that's 55 feet to us non-metric users; go ahead, do the math - alive and in its natural habitat. Namely, the bottom of the ocean. The footage was recorded by a remotely operated vehicle, or ROV, under the direction of Mark Benfield of Louisiana State University working in conjunction with, of all people, a group of oil companies "such as BP, Shell, Chevron and Petrobras working in the Gulf of Mexico." Filming in the vicinity of an offshore oil platform, Benfield caught footage of the oarfish purely by chance:

"We saw this bright vertical shiny thing, I said 'are they lowering more riser?' as it looked like they were lowering a huge pipe."
"We zoomed in a little bit and we said 'that's not a riser that's a fish!'"
"As we approached it retreated downwards swimming tail first in a vertical orientation as the ROV followed," Professor Benfield explained.

The BBC has the story as well as the video, which might as well be the inside of somebody's fish tank, as clear as it is. Still, we can't help but be moved, and not in a pleasant way, by a development such as this. We've always been wary of what lies hidden in the murky depths of the ocean, and the knowledge that fifty-foot fish that "provided the basis for the sea serpent myths told by early ocean travellers" are swimming around down there doesn't exactly set our minds at ease. For more along these lines, see this chart, also by BBC, illustrating the various monstrosities populating the seafloor or "beyond the abyss," as they choose to call it. Yeah. Pretty much the stuff of nightmares. As always, we will think long and hard before we step foot into that ocean again.

very deep TROUGH

Exotic Woman of the Day: Janina Gavankar.

America's own Janina Gavankar. Of Indian and Dutch descent, but we're sticking with Indian.

Astute readers will recognize Janina as The League's all-important Shiva Kamini. If you're not familiar with The League, you no have nobody to blame but yourself. Needless to say we'd have no problem with her likeness being emblazoned on trophies everywhere. We re all about Shiva.

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Wolverines not long for this earth, if you believe in all that global warming malarkey.

We're all familiar with Marvel's rendition of Wolverine. That's a given. Superhuman healing factor, retractable claws, adamantium-infused skeleton and a once-promising but since-tarnished film portrayal by Hugh Jackman. A solid argument could be made that he's Marvel's most fearsome and tenacious hero. Unfortunately his namesake hasn't enjoyed as much success of late. Scientists (who seem only to bombard us with news that makes us feel bad, always) have announced findings that indicate wolverine populations are dwindling due to the decrease in snowfall brought on by warmer temperatures.

Research shows wolverine numbers are falling across North America. Their decline has been linked to less snow settling as a result of climate change.

The study is the first to show a decline in the abundance of any land species due to vanishing snowpack.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Not for one of nature's most feared and respected predators. Not that any creature deserves to suffer the effects of human-induced climate change (yes, despite the sentiments of the average American, we are still acting on the presumption that climate change is actually happening), but the wolverine? The inspiration for maybe the most badass fictional character of all time? It takes a particularly disconnected and almost willfully ignorant populace for news like this to skitter by as a BBC News sidetab. We like to think we shrink from proselytizing, but the endangerment of a species that not only represents everything that is wild about the wilderness but has also engendered Weapon fucking X is almost too much to swallow. We're surprised Sarah Palin isn't shooting them from a helicopter as we speak. If only there existed a band of costumed mutant do-gooders whose sole raison d'etre revolved around setting to rights wrongs such as these. Unfortunately we can look only to ourselves on this one. For shame.

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via BBC